"It is all the fault of the parents", this is one of the most often repeated phrases that patients who go to psychotherapy, especially during the first sessions. Even when judged as good parents, guilt weighs equally on them: "They have been very kind to me, protected me more than it should, all things I have found nearly always"; or vice versa, for example: "I have been charged more responsibility." So, when things do not go as hoped, they try to find the reason of the previous generation.
Growth is an important step
If on one hand there is a conviction that figure parental influences the formation of the personality of each of us, on the other hand it should be noted, if all the troubles come to us of their need to spend once again in mind throughout our history to find those responsible for today's real problems. It is normal that every generation blames the previous one. But despite the events of which are influenced during childhood or adolescence, a period of life must take down our destiny and also the responsibility to solve the so-called "damage", which among many good things unwittingly a mother or father can They have caused us. If we fail to take this important step, the development of our conscience will be blocked to the extent that it will not be able to afford appropriately adult reality.
Three important steps
They are just a few important moments in life when we feel the need to be away excuses, because psychologically compel us to stop being "children", but to grow and are shaped.This important shift from an adult child develops in three stages. First, and most importantly: a glimpse of the past, just as a spectator sees a movie. The second stage is the acceptance of personal history. So, each of us must recognize past difficulties during childhood. If you forgive and overcome everything, it will not be difficult to pass in the third phase, it coinciding with personal responsibility, which clarified everything and only you can help yourself to overcome this situation. It makes no sense to lay the blame of others and the past.
The real protagonists
This is the moment to become real protagonists of your life, find the courage to face the problems. Thus, everything happens, good or bad, is totally yours, but you can live with others in order to easily switch everything.
Errors that are not made
Seek the cause, guilt, responsibility, be taken with others or yourself. It is the typical response when we get into bad situations, such as sadness, anxiety, depression. Seeking the cause does not help at all, even worse immerse you in confusion.
"We must respond"
When we get into such unpleasant internal states, like sadness, it happens by chance or out of spite. There are some important signals to be heard. Without seeking to perceive the causes, know the moment that is living without objection, these are behavior therapy than those motivated by fear of judgment about what others think.
know mistakes
What really matters is to ignore the common belief that "parents are to blame for everything" and that "the past is a period that I do not remember". It's not like that.Overcoming this situation will help you to choose specifically the problems you have with yourself in the present. You can do this yourself or with the help of a psychotherapist.
Really Accept yourself
It is impossible to live without facing difficulties: they are part of life when we are born until we die of. Imagine what happened in the first half of life is a characteristic of your personal destiny, time, place of the dropped part of living. Positive or negative, they have been inevitable event. This is your life, accept.
Get up to the future
Have these two steps, it is time to get down all the responsibilities of your life. It is no longer a matter for someone to blame stalled, to remember the trauma of the past to reopen old wounds. Now you just have to live, while confronting problems as a personal matter and that only you can choose, no other.
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